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Blah relationships

I had a little bit of a chat with my dad about relationships tonight - we have tended to do this when he gives me a lift back from my grandpa's after our semi-regular card night.

He's moved beyond sadness and waaaaay way into anger. It's a McCauley thing, I guess - I have to restrain my anger as much as possible when I get to this stage. But I'm glad for my dad, it's progress, he broke up with his girlfriend of 6 years earlier this year and hasn't been dealing well with the singledom or the sadness.

And he said something to me about him being so anger and having this seething bitterness that he dislikes about himself: bitterness is when you drink poison and hope the other person dies. And it's true, every time I've felt bitter, it's been exactly that. I'm sure some psychologist could point to a reason why we act like that. But I'm fairly proud of how much bitterness I've rid myself of in the last 3 years, most notably 3 particularly heinous ex-girlfriends, a crazy mother, an old best friend and several betrayals. It's not that these things don't make me upset if I dwell on them, it's just I feel the need to dwell on them strikes me very rarely, and I can talk about the things that have happened with much less passion - even remembering some of the good times associated more clearly.

This I am proud of, but it made me start thinking about other people and their thoughts of me. Out of all the people I have had a relationship of more than casual nature with:

-one avoids me at all costs, and still apparently badmouths me to mutual friends

-one seeks me out for chats online only to try to bring me down, and every time we've been among mutual friends since, she has tried to bring me down in front of them, and I've resorted to what amounts to blackmail really, in order to make her stop.

-one actively badmouths me still to anyone who will listen, often people who haven't even met me yet but know of me (found this out the most amusing way, through someone who absolutely did not believe a word she said, and was amused enough by it to try to properly meet me and find out the facts for herself)

-one is comparatively benign but still seems quite happy to be snide and rude to me in front of mutual friends

Only people with whom I've had a casual relationship seem to be willing to treat me at least as if I'm a human being instead of an emotional punching bag. I can't help but imagine that there are people out there who are drinking poison hoping I will die. I think this is very sad, and the best I have done to change it is simply not to drink poison myself. Often belatedly.

So I'm going to take the only step against it that I can. Normally I'm quite happy to let some things slide because it's easier that way. I don't think that's the right way to do things. I am going to try to call people on how they act towards me. If someone acts like they have a problem with me, I will confront them and force the issue out into the open - if it gets sorted out, great. If not, at least they know I have a problem with bitterness growing, and they can have a think about the toxic direction this is going. If I have a problem with someone, I'm not going to allow the seeds of resentment and bitterness take root, and I'm going to confront the issue at least, if not the person.

Let's see how well I do at this. I give me until the 2nd difficult problem.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 24th, 2010 03:42 pm (UTC)
Yeah, you are. But you're the least serious of the list, by far, so that's gotta count for something, right?
Sep. 25th, 2010 12:47 am (UTC)
I agree with the whole bitterness thing - personally not related to this particular situation, but still certainly applies to others... also commenting gives me an excuse to use this icon, which I love :P

and on a sort of related note, to cheer you up here is xkcd:

It amused me.
Sep. 25th, 2010 01:37 am (UTC)

xkcd is starting to become like the simpsons - there's an xkcd quote for everything!
Sep. 25th, 2010 03:10 am (UTC)
I guess I've only really known two people that you'd consider exes, and I've never heard them mention you while you weren't around, so that's good isn't it?
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )