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Nov. 6th, 2010

I have, for a fair while, wondered why so many people identify as completely gay. I subscribe to the "everyone's a little bi" school of thought, in a way. I do believe that many people are so straight or gay as to be, for all intents and purposes, not bi, and I've understood that many people would identify as completely straight because there are some pretty hefty social norms and tabboos and jibes and all involved that one would have to get over to admit that one is in any way not straight. But I  never quite saw how that works for the surprisingly high gay:bi ratio (and when I say gay, I mean a complete 6 on the Kinsey scale). I know there's some pressure from certain parts of the gay community to say that people who are bi now will be gay later, and that a lot of people overreact against their former straight status and go all the way to the other side, but to me, I don't think that's enough to explain the facts.

I was thinking today about the fact that when I think of a hot guy or girl, I think sex, but when I think sex, I think hot girl, not hot guy. I consider myself about a 2 on the Kinsey scale, maybe a little higher, but my experience does not reflect that, almost 90% of the people I've been with have been women, and over 99% of the sex I've had has been with a woman.

Probably because:

1. There are more non-lesbian women than non-straight guys
2. I'm way more picky about guys (and there are way more awesome women than awesome guys)
3. All the guys I've been with have been once- or twice-offs.

As you can probably guess, that contributes significantly to my mental associations. Maybe this colours other people's judgements, and people who have a latent attraction to one gender will simply not explore it because of the natural course of their mental associations. That's my new theory - sleeping mostly with one gender is self-perpetuating.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 6th, 2010 05:47 pm (UTC)
I agree on the everyone is a little bi part. Although I do seem to be quite conflicted when it comes to bisexuality. There was a time when I was what would be considered bisexual, but I was deeply conflicted about it. I identified as a lesbian, but was dating (and sleeping with) guys. It confused the hell out of everyone (especially myself). I believe I am closer to the completely gay side of the Kinsey Scale these days, although I'll admit that I find some men attractive, but anything beyond attraction and platonic love (read: sexual relations and commitment) kinda freaks me out, but that's just me.

Bisexuality is being open minded. Being open minded is good, until your brains fall out. I do and I don't have a problem with it. I wouldn't date a bisexual woman because I would be worried that she would end up with a guy or ask for a threesome with a guy (but these are my own hangups).

I respect those who identify as bisexual, but I've found that they usually swing one way more than the other. Bisexual girls I find mostly seem to date guys, and in that respect I'd consider them to be more bi-curious.

But then again, I'm anti-labels. I'm pro 'love who you want, gender shouldn't come into it', but as I said, am deeply conflicted also.

Nov. 7th, 2010 03:40 am (UTC)
Yeah, I think a lot of bi people in general tend to date/sleep with people of the opposite gender for similar reasons to mine, in that straight/bi people of the opposite gender are much more numerous than gay/bi people of the same gender, and once that gets going, it's pretty much self-perpetuating. However, for the same reason, I think breaking that cycle is pretty easy once it happens.

I understand the whole "I'm not into labels" idea, but I'm actually quite pro-labels. Labels are incredibly useful things that can help people get a basic understanding of a complex issue, by inference. And it's only human to do the whole labelling thing, it's what we're good at. If someone doesn't want to have labels applied to them, that's fine, they might be making things difficult for themselves, but they might also genuinely not be even remotely described by any existing labels.

The problem comes when anyone starts judging people based on labels (rather than just inferring, and leaving these inferences open to later correction). If people would stop doing that, well, I don't really think labels would be a problem.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )